i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
