okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
