I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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