wanna go halves on a baby?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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