She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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