I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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