drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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