my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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