I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
