There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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