I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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