Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
