She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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