I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize