I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
