At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Shame - the story of my life.
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