it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
