I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
