TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
