I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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