The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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