Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize