I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
