My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
