I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
