i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
