so explain again why im purple
no
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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