is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
