i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
