Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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