I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize