im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
