I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
