i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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