If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
