Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
