I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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