At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
