I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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