I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
