Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
