I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
