Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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