Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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