How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
