I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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