i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize