First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
