Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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