i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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