Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize