Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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