Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
