You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
