capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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