Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
