I think I am morally bankrupt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
