why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
