i jhust puked up my retainher.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
