We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
