I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
