Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We need to get me chipped asap
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
