is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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