That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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