Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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