What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
