So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
