We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
