Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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