A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
