I will die if light touches me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
