I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
