you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
