he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
