You can't motorboat a personality
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
