uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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