he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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