we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
