Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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