Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize