She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
