Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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