No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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