Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
