she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
