Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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