He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
