i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
