I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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