I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
