Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
