I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
