some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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