ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
